Checking Back In

Sorry for my unannounced hiatus from the blogging world. Last Sunday through Wednesday I was house sitting for a professor and watching his 2 cats and 1 dog. I had full ambitions of blogging, photographing, and being super productive. Most of the days were rainy with come-and-go clouds, so those plans were traded in for relaxation, Netflix, and lots of Redbox. I watched Apollo 18 (cannot say I’ll ever feel the same way about rocks again), Bucky Larson (I have cheesy guy humor when it comes to movies and I’m proud of it), and We Need to Talk About Kevin (this furthered my reason for not wanting kids, lest I push out the son/daughter of Satan). I got hooked on Breaking Bad and watched 10 episodes of Pretty Little Liars in one day, and I must admit it is my new favorite show.

Employed, academic, tied down, go-go-go Jocellyn from 2 months back would have stuck her nose up at such sloth behavior. Jocellyn right now is admitting the week of laziness was needed and a-okay. I’ve been dealing with some friend business that has been making me sad, but the time to just chill and veg out has helped me realize the situation I’m in, that I do have other great friends and I’m not alone in this tiny city, even though I’ve felt that way for most of the month. I must include a personal shout out to miss Laura P. for letting me call her through the blubbering and sputtering; decade long friendship is pretty awesome.  I dealt with some anxiety (forgot how much that sucked), feelings of uncertainty, and after this past weekend I’m feeling a lot better about where I am and more sure of where I want to be these next few weeks, which leads me to my next endeavor.

One thing I need to do is start (okay, okay, for the millionth time) working out again. I’ve built a workout schedule that centers around the areas I want to work on—booty and abs, baby, booty and abs. I spent several afternoons searching Youtube videos to find the “personalities” I wanted to follow. There are some people that are great to watch, but the type of workouts they employ are either too intense or repetitive for my body.  I’ve also decided I’m going to pick up light running again. Last summer I was into it, but not doing it consistently enough and thus getting injured. Plus, I was concerned it was hurting my yoga practice. Well, it has been a year of no running and I’m only a few centimeters closer to getting into lotus , so I figure a bit of cardio isn’t going to hurt me. I’m going to be running 1 mile a day 5-6 days a week. Last summer I was running around 3-3.5 miles at a time. However, I was only making it out once and week and, as stated above, haphazardly. So now I’ll be running less distance at once, still getting in some cardio, but covering more distance per week. There is a track at the local high school, so I’ll be off the concrete and it’ll be a nice morning routine where I can be alone and, as the yogis say, set an intention for the day. I’m figuring once my shins have gotten accustomed to the running, I can start working on sprints, and maybe even dedicate one day to doing hills (lord only knows Burlington has enough of those!)  1 mile doesn’t seem that exciting or monumental, but I’ve come to accept that right now in my life I’m not a 5k girl, nor do I want to be one.

My break from reality was unexpected and highly needed, but I’m excited to be back with you all.

Peel away this weekend and start Monday off fresh and new ❤

Jocellyn

Upside Down

I like to think my life isn’t falling apart. But it kind of is. Okay, so maybe  I’m being a little over dramatic. Nonetheless, I’ve got some seismic plate shifting going on. For starters there is the whole single thing. And a few days ago I put in my notice at the Goodwill, after my boss went psycho crazy on me (and like everyone one else. Lady, I get it. You’re menopausal, but that isn’t an excuse to vent your anger and hot flashes. I don’t get snippy when I’m PMSing…end of rant). I’ve wanted to quit for a long time, but I was kind of waiting to have another job lined up, but after the altercation—and good phone call with my mom—I decided it was time to say goodbye. I then proceeded to go home and down an entire bottle of Rose, while watching some Netflix. Note to all: if you feel the need to have one of those nights I like to call “Wine Whines” go with Rose. At 5% alcohol content finishing the whole bottle will leave you very tipsy, but not sufficiently plastered like stronger reds.Although I have no desire to drink that much again for a long time, I definitely needed that night.

I’ve spent the past 17 months at Goodwill, so it’s a bit weird to not have to tie on my apron, and I’m definitely going to miss my 30% discount, but enough is enough. It was causing wayyyy to much unnecessary stress in my life. I still have my second job until the end of the month, and I have enough money for two months rent, but my days are basically going from usually having to work 6 days a week to having all this free time. Eerie. Of course I’m working on finding a job, but I wouldn’t say I’m running out the door. At least not until next week. I’m kind of looking forward to the break, of being able to relax on my porch, sleep in, and go to yoga when I want. OOh timeeeee is on my sideeee, yes it is. I admit, it’s a little scary, but so was working at the GW, walking on eggshells, waiting for my boss to lash out at someone. No thank you!

But back to the porch: that’s just what I did all stinking day. I poured myself a glass of water with some lemon slices, donned my belly baring crop top, grabbed a blanket, my least favorite yoga mat for cushion, and parked my cheekies outside all day to read The Hunger Games. I know, I’m a little behind the times…. Anyway, I’m excited to say I finished the entire book in one afternoon, got a little teary eyed at a particular scene (hint: it involves a net, Mockingjay birds, and a spear), and got transported into a world of starvation, injuries, and budding love. I’d say that was a success.

Let’s see what summer holds

Peel Away ❤

Jocellyn

Falling in Love

Disclaimer: Sorry if the formating is a little wonky. I’m on my parent’s computer which doesn’t have WORD, so I had to write everything up Note Pad. Fancy, huh?

So,
I wasn’t sure how to break it to you guys. I’m an open book, and it’s not like my Facebook/real friend world doesn’t know what’s going on, but I like to tread lightly with sharing certain things online, especially if the other party will see it and feel

A.) Awkward

B.) Hurt

C.) Confused

D.) Embarrassed

E.) Put off

F.) All of the above

G.) All of the above and then some.

A few weeks ago Chris and I broke up. Well,  to be fair, I broke up with him. A lot of my other break ups back in high school were emotional and volatile. The boys would gang up on me, call me bitch, cunt, whore, and then proceed to make my life at the tiny boarding school a little slice of hell. Yikes! So with this amicable breakup (well, amicable as any break up can really be) I was a bit put off. What do you mean two people can have a fair amount of respect for each other, still cohabit the same place, etc, etc? Geesh, I guess that’s how grown-ups and level minded people do stuff. Weird.

Moving on a little, I kind of rebounded with this guy from work. And it was cool. Splendid. A little weird. Dates over drinks. First silent treatments. First sleepovers. I was moving slowly. And then he told me he was moving to Texas to forge a new life with his best friend. So, I guess you could consider that another mini break up,  which meant  it was time for me to: “Imma do me” for awhile. Sigh. I cried a lot. Moving was stressful.  Saying goodbye to this new boy I had some new feelings for was sad. But I refuse to resign myself to a pints of Ben and Jerry’s, post-breakup(s) depression, and obsessive behavior that only leads to burn out and then, well, a repeating cycle. I’m deciding I need to fall in love again. Not with a person, though, or even really myself, because I certainly love that a lot (mayhaps a little too much– giggle), but with an activity. You know, deepen a hobby.

Naturally, it only made sense to fall more in love with yoga, because frankly I’ve been off the Namaste wagon  due to injury and fear. Why fear, you ask? Well, contrary to prior belief, it is really
hard to block out all thoughts in yoga, and when encouraged to fixate on one thing we (or at least I)
tend to fixate on the most pressing negative thing in life. I was scared to find myself in
Supta Kurmasana *, bound up tightly, while dealing with all the thoughts that have been swirling around in the brain case. Shudder.  Crying in front of everyone wasn’t an option, and crying during self practice seemed even worse. In case you haven’t noticed, I take my pride very seriously.  But this is what you’re supposed to do when your life changes, be it break ups, loss of job, loss of person,  etc, etc. You need to pick yourself up by whatever strands you can and better yourself. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, and hiding from the preconceived “what ifs”, pull on your big kid undies, flounder a little and feel fabulous on the good days.

As tempting as it is to jump into a traditional six-day a week ashtanga practice, I know it’s a recipe
for physical disaster, like when you decide after not running for four months to get up and run 3 miles. So, I’m going to start slow. A little ashtanga here,  a little vinyasa there, some ancient texts and deep study of anatomy, lots of handstands sprinkled in, and many afternoons contemplating life and my center of gravity, while editing away at that yoga book I need to start ASAP.

Not going to lie, people, I’m scared. And I’m scared, because I don’t get scared often. I’m scared
because this is something I’m doing JUST for me. I mean, I eat well mainly for myself, but it makes
me feel good. But work: that pay’s the bills and an inkling of me does it to make my family proud.
No one is really going to care if I fail or succeed at this endeavour expect for me.

Life is changing. I only have myself to answer to, which is both liberating and strange, seeing as
I spent  2 years (yes, two very wonderful years) making decisions with someone else. But I have a year to cement this in my life, so when I graduate and choose someplace to move, I’ll
have something to wakeup to in the morning, to dedicate a part of my life to, and pass on to others. Not as great as a morning romp, but a very, very close second

Thanks for listening to me ramble. I hope everyone is having a lot less to think about in their life!
Peel Away ❤

Jocellyn

*Pfft, I wish my Supta Kurm. looked that tight and relaxed. Some day!